Back to the drawing board

Despite my best efforts, Professor Kaufhold tore my synopsis up pretty hard. Some of the critiques I totally agree with, others, I'm not sure, but I'm sure that, as usual, he's right on all of them and I'll probably realize that soon enough. The problem is that I've got a LOT of work to do after what I thought would be a somewhat simple matter of writing the opening sequence. Seriously, so much stuff has to go (my problems were based around there being "too much" and a "lack of focus" more than anything else) and... yeah, I'm a little lost right this second, so I'll just leave it at this brief post for now.

Plot... or not

Just in case the "Clarification of Assignments" was inspired by my posts, I'm fully aware that this isn't the place to put official assignments. I'm using this to try and get all these ideas bouncing around in my head into some kind of sensible, organized (albeit sloppy) format before I type up more proper, formal versions to be sent in. With that said, I was going to post a sloppy version of my plot, but I ended up typing way more than anybody would have any reason to read (other than Professor Kaufhold, of course, hehe), so I won't do that.

After wracking out my brain on this to the point where my insanity should no longer be questioned, I'm fairly content with where I've got it, especially since I've got an ending with which I'm happy and yet isn't as ridiculous as what I had planned originally. However, I really scrambled to get this done before the deadline, and, as such, it will still need some work even as I start writing the script itself (hell, if I know that, then what's Professor Kaufhold gonna say? Oh well.).

There's probably a few logic errors in there, with some events possibly feeling forced. Dominic seems to be a giant Macguffin rather than an actual character, but I think it almost works. I'm sure I'll be told otherwise (understandably). Regardless, it's come a LONG way and given where it was, I'm fairly happy with it as of this moment. That could change as soon as tomorrow. Who knows? Oh, and I've probably got more ideas floating around for establishing Nate's character than I'll ever be able to get in (enough for an A&E Biography, probably), so it'll be interesting to see what gets cut out. Some parts of it will be easy to write and others will be quite difficult, but we'll cross those bridges when we get to them.

Getting the Wheels in Motion Part 2

Adding to the everyone's hatred of Nate is that he's investigating Tyrell Wrigley, the most publicly beloved cop on the force. This guy gets in all the local papers for his involvement in the community - he teaches karate to kids - and he's got a wife and two kids. In his late 30s (possibly early 40s), he's a former marine and thus is really, really dangerous. This isn't your fat, donut-loving cop. However, the mob's been getting away with an awful lot lately, so somebody's crooked. And when Nate discovers some very poorly disguised mob murders in Wrigley's area, he thinks he's got his man.

Sure enough, Nate's right that Wrigley's been taking bribes to look the other way and giving the mob insider information, but he needs some really hard evidence to be able to convince everyone else. That need to try and catch Wrigley in the act leads to Wrigley catching on to Nate's investigation. Given that he's got the mob on his side and has Nate physically outmatched in every way, Nate's in serious trouble as they come after him. Luckily, Nate has no sense of his own well-being, so he doesn't back off from his investigation.

It probably goes without saying that there will be at least one major mob boss type who will serve as a secondary villain to Wrigley, and his goons will give Nate ample action-oriented trouble.

Nate goes back and questions some of the people involved in Wrigley's old cases. This leads him to Jessica, the girl with whom he fell in love back in high school, but was always way out of his league. The story goes that she hooked up with some thug [tentatively] named Dominic who got her pregnant and she dropped out of school. Nate hadn't heard from her since (and it can be assumed that this was the first thing to really start forming Nate into the abrasive guy he is now). She's a waitress whose kids are grown up and she's saving up to move some place better. Her and Dominic have been split for years, as he was never good to her (Nate suspects that he used to beat her), but he pops up now and again to be a thorn in her side. Wrigley has some sort of interest in him.

I was going to have Dominic just be some random gangsta street thug type, but I think it makes more sense to have him be a low-level mobster. Meanwhile, Jess's will probably have a lot of family connections to the mob so that she's caught in the middle of the conflict and there's something really, tangibly at stake if Nate fails. Depending on what ending I go with, Dominic may be an important character with a real presence, or he may just be a faceless name that gets thrown around to progress the story. More on that later. Nate is, of course, still interested in Jess and spends a large portion of the movie trying to figure out how to get closer to her, visiting her at work, etc. If there's one thing Nate is terrible at, it's figuring out women. This becomes even more complicated once Wrigley and the mob come after him, as he doesn't want to put her in danger. But Wrigley's already asking her questions since he needs to find Dominic (who nobody can find), who evidently has some potentially incriminating information.

There's one more important character: Jon Levy, the one cop on the force who Nate can almost call a friend. They aren't fully partners, but Jon helps him out from time to time. Though not the total badass that Wrigley is, Jon is an alpha male of a cop - strong, athletic, and by-the-book. Jon knew Nate back in high school, which is why they are able to interact now, despite the fact that Jon acknowledges Nate's unpleasant personality traits these days. Jon is divorced, probably with a kid, though he doesn't have to have one. Oh yeah, and he dated Jess back in high school. Throughout, Jon will help Nate out of a jam or two, which is good, because Nate never calls for backup. I'm interested in writing these two together - I think they'll have an interesting dynamic.

So, we've got: Nate, Wrigley, Jess, Jon, and possibly Dominic and a mob boss - I'll call him Joey Ragano, since that's the name I used for a mob boss in my Legal Battle story that went nowhere. Next, I'll get into the more specific events of the story, whether they're set in stone or not, and that will hopefully allow me to go back and fully work out the characters before I send in formal bios.

Getting the wheels in motion Part 1

Whether my brain got over-saturated with the details of this story from thinking about it non-stop for all of break and then some or I'm just a lazy bastard with elaborate excuses is debatable, but either way I've been avoiding this far more than I should. Hopefully talking about some of the things that I have set in my head here will get me back into things more appropriately. The good news is, I think I've got the characters pretty well set - my issues are more related to specific events and what I can or can't squeeze into this thing.

Let's see, we've got Detective Nate Hawkins. He's a very lonely, very abrasive Internal Affairs investigator. Nobody likes him. Oh yeah, and there's a mob-related crime wave going down. I think it makes the most sense to have the story set in a North Philly suburb-type area, as it would still have a somewhat seedy city feel to it while making it more plausible that a lot of the characters knew each other when they were in high school and that sort of thing.

Back to Nate, he's in his mid-30s and has all the other cops, who can't stand him, are convinced he's gonna kill himself. This might not make it into the script, but he once "jokingly" said that he wouldn't kill himself until his mom died. Well, his mom just died a few weeks before the start. They didn't talk much, but he would support her financially. Meanwhile, he's got a deadbeat brother with whom he doesn't get along who was a mooch off their mother and they argue over who was the better son, since his brother actually spent time with her.

Nate's never been in a relationship. Ever. No, he is not an alcoholic. I actually considered having him be a Pepsi junkie just to poke fun at the notion of the cop with a drinking problem. We'll see if that makes it. The thing is, Nate is actually pretty good at his job despite the his inability to deal with people properly. Sure, nobody likes him, but he doesn't really stir up a lot of trouble and he kind of keeps everyone from getting too sloppy. It doesn't hurt that the Internal Affairs board's level of authority is kind of a joke. Depending on what ending I go with (you'll see what I'm talking about as I get further into this), I really want to have a running theme of Nate struggling to resist giving into a sense of brutality. In early drafts, I had it where he would push the excessive force boundaries with each criminal he'd apprehend, even threatening them with the idea that he could kill them and would be right to do so. Every time, he stops himself (though he may have one formal brutality charge against him), but in the end, he'd snap and kill someone who probably deserved it. But I'm getting really far ahead of myself with that.

He's got an extreme sense of justice at all costs, has no respect for the rights of criminals, and has been shot so many times that he can't keep his hand steady enough to fire a gun properly. I'll probably have it so that he doesn't hit a single shot until the end. He's a tough bastard who will get hurt a lot throughout and keep on coming, to the point where he's kind of bumbling in his pursuits. There's nothing smooth about what he does, and it's more through will, determination, and some cleverness that he survives rather than physical ability.

I've sort of developed everything else in the story as stemming from Nate's character and what would be needed to test and challenge him and that sort of thing, rather than starting with a plot first. What does he want? Love (isn't that sweet?), though he would never say it, and I'll get into that later. What does he need? Probably the same thing, but on a more basic level, he just needs somebody to care about him and vice versa. The Detective thing keeps him going day to day and gives him something to do, but he has it more because he's compelled to fight crime more than actually taking pleasure in the job. He's not really qualified to do anything else.

Definitely more to come. I'll get into the other characters.